EMOTIONAL INFIDELITY: WHY IT HURTS SO MUCH. (Part 2)

Here are some tips for healing from the pain of an emotional affair.

Healing Phases of Emotional Infidelity

Tip #1: Take Care of Yourself First

When you find out that your spouse has been creating a close relationship with someone else, you are going to feel hurt, betrayed and angry. You need time to discover what you’re feeling, assess why you’re feeling it, and then process those feelings.

I recommend writing out your thoughts as a way to release some of that pent-up emotion. In it, you
can write: “I feel hurt because….” And then state what it is that hurts you. Don’t censor yourself: your journal is private, and you should be able to express what it is you’re going through.

Tip #2: Express to Your Spouse the Hurt He/She has Caused

When you first find out about the emotional infidelity, you may as well let them have it then and there: get your yelling out, then go to Tip 1 above and sort through what you’re feeling.

Then, once you are clear on what about this makes you so upset, express it to your spouse—this time without yelling. Yes, your spouse has done wrong, but becoming angry and shouting puts your spouse on the defensive. They don’t have a right to be on the defensive, but it’s a natural reaction to feeling attacked.

Tip #3: Set Boundaries

For the future, talk with your spouse on what your expectations and boundaries are for relationships outside of the marriage. If it’s work-related issues that lead to your spouse having to be out with members of the opposite sex and this has proven to be a problem, set some guidelines on how it should be handled in the future so emotional infidelity can’t make any inroads into your relationship.

My best to you in healing from emotional infidelity.

Has your spouse had an emotional affair?

What made you most upset about the affair?

Have you and your spouse worked through the damage caused by the emotional affair?

Please share your thoughts and experiences on this topic by leaving a comment below.